Wednesday, August 18, 2010
New pain
So now I know that I really am alone. I talked to Mr. F tonight. He told me that he got married on Saturday. Just a private thing that he did. He feels good about it and I really want him to be happy but I miss him so much. I am sitting here crying because now I know that I will just be all by myself for a long time. I appreciate him as a friend, I love him and I always will. But now that he has a family, there is no time for me. Now I know why he didn't call me, why he ignored me. He was busy falling for someone else. I don't know why I let myself get in this. I knew that if I ever got hurt, it was my fault. And it is. He told me that he still appreciated me as a friend and that he hoped we could still be friends. I am dissappointed. The last time that we had fun I opened up to him. I left the lights on and everything. I looked into his eyes. And now, I feel like I never should have taken that step. I shouldn't have let him. I shouldn't have let myself. I'm still going to be friends with him, but I don't know if I can take it. We will have to see. I feel so betrayed. But I guess I deserved it.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
An unbelieveable couple of weeks
So I realize that it has been a while since I have posted anything but so much has happened that I cannot not post. I am right now in Florida for a job, and relaxing right now since I have to wake up so early to get started. Before I left for Florida, I went to my first swingers party with some friends of mine. They had taken me out to dinner a few nights before and we had all ended up in the bedroom with me going down on my best friend. I had been wanting to have fun with her for a while and just never had the opportunity until now. They invited me to go out again with them Saturday night before I had to leave, so I did. I had always wanted to go to a party like that but it is never something that I could do on my own. My friends husband had been wanting to fuck me for a while, so this was his opportunity. It was very relaxed and nice. Everyone there was very sweet. I watched a very sexy red head have her pussy eaten right in front of me. Talk about turning me on. My friends husband started playing with my pussy so we went back and he ate me out. It was the first time anyone went down on me in a while. Then him and I had fun. After that I was game to anyone. And just about everyone wanted to get to me. I was the hot commodity for the night. I think I ending up playing with 4 guys, including my friends husband, and I think one girl actually went down on me. It was amazing. I told them all that I would be coming back for sure. There are 2 guys there that I most definitely look forward to seeing again because they were the biggest and the best. I know they say that size doesn't matter, but in this case, it makes a big difference.
I get here to Florida and meet the people that I will be working with and it just so happens that one of the girls is from my same town. She and I got to talking and realized that we are both bi, even though I don't openly admit it. She and I have been hinting at something for a few days, but tonight she came over after everyone else went out to eat. She lays down on her back on my bed and all I can stare at are her tits. She has got size E boobs, amazing and beautiful and all natural. I told her that she was a very tempting woman and all she could say was "What do you mean?" I told her all I want to do is grab her tits and she said she may not object to that. We had a few moments of silence and small talk and then I told her I just couldn't take it. I started playing with her humongous breasts, listening to her moan, and I got one of her nipples in my mouth. She was moaning with her hands in my hair. I started rubbing her pussy through her jeans, listening to her breath heavy. I could only do so much through her jeans. I pulled them off and started rubbing her clit through her panties and then I pulled her panties aside and hit her clit dead on. She has what I call a peek-a-boo clit, the tip of her clit sticks out just a little bit from the hood, really easy to hit. I took her panties off and went to town. I had 2 fingers in her the whole time and there were points where I thought she was going to scream. She had her hands over her mouth for a good portion, her hands entwined in my hair and grabbing the sheets. The only problem now is that I have 3 more days with her before we go back to town and I fly with her the whole way back. I just hope it doesn't get awkward.
The funny thing about all of this, all of the sexual escapades that I have gone on, I still think about you all the time. I miss you and wish you would call me. I sent you an e-mail the other day.
I know that you have a lot going on, but if you don't want to talk to me, just tell me and please don't ignore me. I hate it when I get ignored. I do miss talking to you, I miss it when you would call me to talk, but I realized that the only thing that we ever talked about was Your Love. Now that you don't talk to her as much, you don't talk to me. I still have a lot of things going on, and I felt that I could call you and talk to you about them, but I can't. I feel like you have turned into every other guy that I have ever known and I had hoped that you were different. Maybe I never should have told you how I felt that one day, I don't know. I have been nothing but honest with you, please respect me enough to do the same.
You called me as soon as you landed to ask me what that was all about and then you called me when you got to the hotel and talked to me for about and hour. Most of the time you talked about her, and I realized that I was really right. I miss you a lot. I wish that we could go and do things together and just be around each other but we can't. It bothers me, but I need to let you go. It is so hard that I miss you this much. You are going to get married soon, even though you don't know who it is yet. I could never marry you, but I wish I could be with you. You have already given up on me, so I should just give up on you. I miss you too much to let you go.
I get here to Florida and meet the people that I will be working with and it just so happens that one of the girls is from my same town. She and I got to talking and realized that we are both bi, even though I don't openly admit it. She and I have been hinting at something for a few days, but tonight she came over after everyone else went out to eat. She lays down on her back on my bed and all I can stare at are her tits. She has got size E boobs, amazing and beautiful and all natural. I told her that she was a very tempting woman and all she could say was "What do you mean?" I told her all I want to do is grab her tits and she said she may not object to that. We had a few moments of silence and small talk and then I told her I just couldn't take it. I started playing with her humongous breasts, listening to her moan, and I got one of her nipples in my mouth. She was moaning with her hands in my hair. I started rubbing her pussy through her jeans, listening to her breath heavy. I could only do so much through her jeans. I pulled them off and started rubbing her clit through her panties and then I pulled her panties aside and hit her clit dead on. She has what I call a peek-a-boo clit, the tip of her clit sticks out just a little bit from the hood, really easy to hit. I took her panties off and went to town. I had 2 fingers in her the whole time and there were points where I thought she was going to scream. She had her hands over her mouth for a good portion, her hands entwined in my hair and grabbing the sheets. The only problem now is that I have 3 more days with her before we go back to town and I fly with her the whole way back. I just hope it doesn't get awkward.
The funny thing about all of this, all of the sexual escapades that I have gone on, I still think about you all the time. I miss you and wish you would call me. I sent you an e-mail the other day.
I know that you have a lot going on, but if you don't want to talk to me, just tell me and please don't ignore me. I hate it when I get ignored. I do miss talking to you, I miss it when you would call me to talk, but I realized that the only thing that we ever talked about was Your Love. Now that you don't talk to her as much, you don't talk to me. I still have a lot of things going on, and I felt that I could call you and talk to you about them, but I can't. I feel like you have turned into every other guy that I have ever known and I had hoped that you were different. Maybe I never should have told you how I felt that one day, I don't know. I have been nothing but honest with you, please respect me enough to do the same.
You called me as soon as you landed to ask me what that was all about and then you called me when you got to the hotel and talked to me for about and hour. Most of the time you talked about her, and I realized that I was really right. I miss you a lot. I wish that we could go and do things together and just be around each other but we can't. It bothers me, but I need to let you go. It is so hard that I miss you this much. You are going to get married soon, even though you don't know who it is yet. I could never marry you, but I wish I could be with you. You have already given up on me, so I should just give up on you. I miss you too much to let you go.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Realization that I don't want to be alone
So I have had the kids with me for a while now. Hurt my knee again on Sunday, and realized that day that I am all on my own. I had no one to help me, no one to call. I was bawling, in tears for almost 3 hours from the pain, but it was all me. I finally got a hold of the husbands dad and took the kids, crying the whole way, to their dads to spend the night. I realize that I don't want to be alone. I hate being by myself. I know that this is what I need right now, but at the same time, I don't want this. I want to be with my dear Mr. F. but who knows how that will go. I sent him a text message the other day that asked if he missed me. I asked him yesterday if he ever got it. He said he didn't. But he didn't say that he did miss me, which made me realize that he doesn't. I just wish he would tell me to leave him alone. Then I would have to leave him alone. Then I would be able to ignore him and forget about him. I miss him, a lot. I wish there was more to this than what it is, but I just keep dreaming things up in my head that I want to be there but aren't there. We will see what happens with that.
This guy from my favorite coffee shop hasn't called me or texted me either. I gave him my number almost 2 weeks ago and nothing so...I can only assume that he isn't interested or he is still with his baby momma. Why do people lead me on like this. I get a lead and then there is nothing.
My best friend and her husband are taking me to a swingers party on Saturday night. I have always wanted to go, but I was never in the know with people like that. I am interested to see if anything is going to happen. I will see what does happen and what doesn't happen. She wants me to have a 3 some with her and her husband. I think I am going to do it. I have wanted to have fun with her for a while, but could never approach her about it. She was the one that approached me about it. I am all for it. Her husband isn't all that, but he has cancer and is getting ready to have surgery in a few weeks and he wants to have some fun before he goes in. I think I can handle that. It seems like we would have a lot of fun. She sent me a picture message of her boobs, and I told her it wasn't nice to tease. She said she wasn't teasing, that she was for real. We sent some dirty text messages back and forth for a little bit. It was interesting to get her reactions. She said they had to go fuck because she was so hot. I told her we would have to have fun soon. I hope so. I need some good dick and pussy in the worst way, and I think this is where I am going to get it. Maybe I will meet a FWB at thsi swingers party. I can only hope to be so lucky.
This guy from my favorite coffee shop hasn't called me or texted me either. I gave him my number almost 2 weeks ago and nothing so...I can only assume that he isn't interested or he is still with his baby momma. Why do people lead me on like this. I get a lead and then there is nothing.
My best friend and her husband are taking me to a swingers party on Saturday night. I have always wanted to go, but I was never in the know with people like that. I am interested to see if anything is going to happen. I will see what does happen and what doesn't happen. She wants me to have a 3 some with her and her husband. I think I am going to do it. I have wanted to have fun with her for a while, but could never approach her about it. She was the one that approached me about it. I am all for it. Her husband isn't all that, but he has cancer and is getting ready to have surgery in a few weeks and he wants to have some fun before he goes in. I think I can handle that. It seems like we would have a lot of fun. She sent me a picture message of her boobs, and I told her it wasn't nice to tease. She said she wasn't teasing, that she was for real. We sent some dirty text messages back and forth for a little bit. It was interesting to get her reactions. She said they had to go fuck because she was so hot. I told her we would have to have fun soon. I hope so. I need some good dick and pussy in the worst way, and I think this is where I am going to get it. Maybe I will meet a FWB at thsi swingers party. I can only hope to be so lucky.
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