So...Really?

I don't know if you see this. I can't imagine that you do, unless you went on your web browser history and found it. I hope not, but I don't know. I guess that aspect of us is over. If we can be friends, which I hope we can, but I don't know if that is what you want anymore. You have stopped answering my phone calls and my texts. I annoy you, I guess, but you tell me that I don't. I called you earlier today to tell you that I found an apartment, and you sounded excited for me but a little down. I can imagine that you are just down because of Your Love. I asked you for a favor, and you said you would see what you could do. I asked you to call me later because I was down, and you did, but you seemed off. You told me how you talked to Your Love, and you had a good coversation, nothing bad. Then you said that she is about to realize that she is going to lose the best thing that has ever happened to her. I asked you what you meant, if you really were not going to talk to her anymore. You told me that when you start to see other people, she is going to get mad. She will realize that she doesn't have you in that manner anymore, and it will make her jealous. I told you that maybe you should wait before you start dating others, try to move on from her some, so you have space inside to care about someone else. You said that was ok. I mentioned that I have a date on Thursday, that I'm not looking to rush into anything with anybody. It's just a date. I mentioned that I was talking to this guy at Panera. I told you that I like feeling that others find me attractive, that people like me enough to ask me out, because I haven't really had that. You got quiet then changed the subject on me. You didn't say anything. My friends think that you are jealous. But why would you be? I have been supportive of you and talked with you about dating other people. Why can we talk about dating others with you and not about me dating others. I know that you heard me on the phone. I know you did. You seem to have made it clear by talking about that 40 year old that you went out with all the time and by separating from me (no phone calls or texts) that you are not interested in me as a relationship. I talked to my friend Robert about you. He is closer in age to you than any of my other friends. He thinks that you are jealous, that is probably surprised you that you were jealous, and now you have to figure it out. He thinks that you bringing up the 40 year old all the time is to see if you can get a reaction out of me. I haven't reacted because we are not dating, you can go do whatever you want. I am not your girlfriend or your wife, and I need to stop acting like I am. I got jealous the first time because I realized that I cared for you as more than just a friend, and even though you said it was mutual, you started to move away from me. You already started ignore my phone calls and everything else immediately after those feelings were out in the open. I don't know if you are afraid of those feelings, or what it is. But I have done my best to put my walls back up agian because you don't seem to care for me as much as I would like to think. You are a very sought after man, women flock to you. You are handsome, sweet, caring, loving, and interesting. I would be naive to think that I would be the only woman able to hold your attention. If you are jealous, I wish you would just tell me. I was open enough with you to be honest with you about my feelings, I hope that you respect me enough to do the same. If you asked me not to go out on that date, then I wouldn't. But I would have to go both ways. If you wanted me all to yourself, you could have me. I asked you, after you changed subjects on me, if you would answer your phone if I called you later. You said probably. And yet, as I already knew, you didn't. I tried to call you after my kids went to sleep to see if you could still pull in a couple favors for me. No answer. I tried calling you when I left the house to tell you I was crashing at your old place. No answer. I miss talking to you all the time. I miss our til 2 am conversations. I miss you telling me you miss me. I miss hearing your voice every night. But I guess I will just have to move on. What other option do I have. I will be there for you, and I would like to see what develops between us, but it is very clear that that is not what you are looking for. I will be okay, as I always say. I will figure it out.