It's official, I am on my own.

Thanks to some wonderful family members who were willing to give me a helping hand, I have officially gotten all the furniture that I need for my apartment. I can have my kids over now when I want them to come over. I can entertain people when I want to have people over. It will be nice. I have thought about you a lot recently, wondering if you would ever come and see me. I don't think you have missed me at all. You leave next week for Fl to teach, but I don't think you will want to see me before you leave. I have missed you but I know that I need to get over you. You called me yesterday morning to see what I needed, and the conversation we proceeded to have was all business. No pleasure or hint of pleasure involved. I would love for you to come over, I really would. I miss going down on you and looking into your eyes, but I realized that that was all we ever had, nothing more. I was the one that made it more complicated than it needed to be. I didn't want it to go that way, but it did. We will see if you ever really will come and see me. I doubt it, but we will see.
I gave my number to the guy at my favorite coffee shop on Monday. I am here now, and we have been chatting off and on since I got here. Sadly, he didn't use my number at all. I don't know if he is interested or if he has someone else and it a player like you are. He doesn't seem like he is a player, but as always, I just have to wait and see. I can't wait to go home tonight. I really can't. I no longer have an apartment, I have home. My home. I love it.
I have thought about my husband a lot yesterday. I miss him, but I know that this is right. I was watching "Meet the Robinsons" with the kids the other day, and I started crying at the end when it played that Rob Thomas song. I remember our son being only a few days old, us sleeping on the old king mattress, and me feeling so happy for having a family and so sad at the same time. It felt like my life was complete but that it wasn't meant to be this way. It made me so sad to think that I will never have that complete feeling anymore. I won't feel that way again. That is why I won't get married again. I can't. I just don't think I have it in me. Someone would have to really love my kids in order to be able to marry me, and I don't see that happening for a while. I guess that is a good thing. Maybe it will teach me a little more independence. I can do this all on my own, I know that I can. I just have to prove to myself that I can.