From June 18th, 2010

Even though we have made love now, even though we have had phone sex, even though we have talked about the fantasys that we have with each other, none of that would matter if I lost you as a friend. I am so happy that God has placed me in your life and vice versa. I am happy that we have talked as much as we have. I know that you are in love with her, and I am sorry that she can't react because of her situation. I can see the pain in your eyes and hear it in your voice whwen you talk about her. I know that you have never been in love before, you have told me that. You have been married 3 times and yet, you did not pine over them when you divorced them. You went about your business like it was nothing. But now that you have confronted her, and she can't recipricate, it is tearing you up. I hate to see you this way. I hate that you are hurting that bad. I wish I could make your pain a little easier, but I am not stupid. Moving on takes time, and that is the only thing that will make it better for you. Like I told you before, I hope that one day, when God feels it is the right time, he will place someone in my life who loves me as much as you love her. You have told me that you would die tomorrow if you knew that she would be happy and sober. I know you don't care if she doesn't leave the ******* to be with you, you just want her to be happy. I think she would want the same for you. She wants you to be happy and to take care of yourself. I have never met her, but I can tell just by the relationship that you did have with her, that she truly wants you to be happy. I don't want a serious relationship right now. Right now, I need to get my own priorities in order and get out on my own, and if nothing other than friendship ever comes of us, I am happy with that. You are truly one in a million. You are sincere and caring, you are loving and special. You make me feel like I am the strong woman I am and that somewhere out there, someone will truly appreciate me for who I am. You make me feel like me. I don't feel like i have to be a different person around you, i don't feel like i have to lie to you. I feel like we have known each other forever. Even though you are twice my age, I feel like we have been best friends for ages. You are so easy to talk to, you are a great listener. What I love about you is how you have not judged me. I told you about my past, the awful things that I have done, and you did not judge me for it. You did not react negatively about anything that I said. You actually said you were proud of me, and that I was amazing. Talk about giving me warm feelings on the inside. When we made love the other night, I could tell that you wanted me. You waited for me. You wanted me to come for you. You were so patient and understanding. You caressed me, you kissed me, you took it slow when I asked you to. You have the best stamina and staying power than any person I have been with, and you could tell that it was about me. The toys were fun. I definitely liked the toys, but even if there were no toys and just you, I would have been just as satisfied. I have never came like I came with you. I have never exploded like I did with you. You are lucky to have been able to be with me. And i the same. I think you are getting more serious about this than I am. I know that we are just friends helping each other out in a tough time, but do you know that? Last night at our class dinner, you bought my dinner and shared your wine with me. When you called me last night afterwards, you said at least you were able to buy me dinner. I told you that I hope you will be able to do so again. but that is stuff that you say to someone you are dating. Are we dating? is that what you think this is? is that what this is? am I deluding myself thinking that it is nothing more? I hope not, because I would hate fore you to break my heart.