July 8th, 2010

We have separated a little bit now. We don't call each other multiple times a day now, only a few times. Not like we used to. I confessed my feelings to you in an e-mail. I had become ultra needy, I wanted to talk to you all the time, be near you, and that is not what you wanted. You wanted your distance. When I told you a few weeks ago that I had feelings for you more than a friend, you told me that it was mutual. That was just an unspoken feeling. Well, I realized that it really wasn't mutual, because after I said that to you, you started to pull away. You shut down. I think I had confused you because you are still in love with her, how could you love someone else. You have told me that you love me, and I know that you mean it, but not the same way as I do. I have put my walls back up so that way I cannot get hurt by you. You have told me that you may go back out with that other chick, that you are going to send Your Love that dear john letter you have written her, and I don't care. I really don't. I don't need to get into a relationship just to get my heart broken, and that is what you would do to me if I let that wall fall back down, so I have decided to not let it come down agian. I have no problem making love to you. I quite enjoy it, but I realized that it wasn't me that needed the physical treatment, you need it just as much, if not more than me. You call it "Healing sex" and that is what it is, but it is more healing to you than it is to me. I could go a long time without it, I have in the past, but you need it. It is what is helping you move on from her, and I don't even think that you realize that. You will not stay here because of me, you will stay because of her, if you do stay. But I am going to make sure that you have plenty of memories of me before you go. You have only seen part of me, you haven't seen everything that I can do, and you probably won't see everything. but I am going to give you experiences that you are not used to. I want you to tie me up and have your way with me, I want you to spank me and call me a bad girl, I want you to handcuff me and have me work my way out of a ticket. You have said you have never met a woman as wild as me, and I said "Too bad you can't marry me, you would get that every night." Every night, you said, to which I replied "I have a very high sex drive, and I have yet to meet someone who can match me.". I don't think you knew what to say to that. Not even you could have the sexual appetite to match mine, but I am going to make you a shell of a man that you once were in the attempt.